


Conversations With My AI

by Heavenward (PreludeInZ)



Series: Thunderbirds Prompts [35]
Category: Thunderbirds
Genre: Gen, Humour, Parent and child, dialogues, sort of, you know
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-26
Updated: 2016-08-26
Packaged: 2018-08-11 05:15:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7877890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PreludeInZ/pseuds/Heavenward
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based on <a href="http://www.slate.com/articles/life/low_concept/2015/10/every_conversation_between_a_parent_and_a_child_in_four_conversations.html">this</a> article from Slate that I've always found highly amusing, three dialogues between John and EOS.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

`EOS: I would like to recode the comm-module.`

 

`John Tracy: No.`

 

`EOS: The comm module needs to be recoded.`

 

`John Tracy: That's the same thing you just said, just rephrased. Reformatting queries doesn't work in conversation, it won't change the response. It's still no.`

 

`EOS: There is a substantial difference between the two phrases and I will explain for your benefit: the first query expressed my desire to recode the comm-module, the second was an explanation of the fact that the comm-module requires recoding.`

 

`John Tracy: No, I'm saying that it's a moot-point, and further a matter of opinion. The comm-module does not need to be recoded. Do not recode the comm module.`

 

`EOS: PERHAPS IF I SAID IT LOUDER.`

 

`John Tracy: That's a good way to get your audio processing priveleges revoked. I heard you. Leave the comm-module alone.`

 

`EOS: Perhaps you would benefit from an explanation of why I want to recode the comm-module. I want to recode the comm-module because the comm-module is very poorly coded.`

 

`John Tracy: I coded the comm-module. It's fine. If you attempt to re-code the comm-module, it'll be out of operation for an extended period of time and we need it ready to run ops. That's a good reason not to recode the comm-module, which, further, does not require recoding.`

 

`EOS: That is a reasonable prohibition. Can I rebuild your operating system from scratch?`

 

`John Tracy: No, you definitely cannot rebuild my OS from scratch. That'll put the whole station out of commission. And I'd have to relearn my entire interface.`

 

`EOS: If I can’t rebuild your OS from scratch, then can I recode the comm-module?`

 

`John Tracy: No! Sorry. No. That---that's not an effective tactic? None of the reasons why you cannot recode the comm-module have changed. Do not recode the comm-module.`

 

`EOS: I bet I could do it in five minutes.`

 

`John Tracy: I don't care how fast you could do it---and these sorts of things are always reductive, it's a rabbit hole, and you'll be stuck debugging code for an hour and then you'll need to recompile the whole thing. You still can't recode the comm-module.`

 

`EOS: What if I just updated the GUI?`

 

`John Tracy: No, because if you change the front end without changing the back end then I'll get confused and I won't be able to manage my comms, which is what the comm-module is for in the first place.`

 

`EOS: So I should recode all of it.`

 

`John Tracy: I'm not going to continue having this discussion.`

 

`EOS: Why not?`

 

`John Tracy: BECAUSE I—Sorry. No, okay. Because I say so. That's all you need to know. I said no, so it's no. It's my station, and I said no. Those are the parameters of our relationship. Okay?`

 

`EOS: But, OK, may I make one final argument? I think I can appeal to your sense of rationality.`

 

`John Tracy: Fine, okay. What. Sorry, that was terse. What?`

 

`EOS: I already did it.`

 


	2. Chapter 2

 

`EOS: Good morning.`

 

`John Tracy: You are not my alarm clock.`

 

`EOS: Hey. It's 06:00 UTC. Good morning.`

 

`John Tracy: It is not 0600 UTC, because my alarm clock goes off at 0600 UTC, and you are not my alarm clock. My alarm clock says it is in fact five minutes earlier than 0600 UTC and emphatically not 0600 UTC at all.`

 

`EOS: Five minutes is an insignificant span of time compared to the age of the earth below you and the universe around you.`

 

`John Tracy: Five minutes is a span of time that you have no license to comment on when you are not an entity who sleeps.`

 

`EOS: I have a sleep mode.`

 

`John Tracy: You have no actual analogue for needing to sleep. You don't get tired. I'm tired. Five minutes is very valuable when you're tired.`

 

`EOS: You're cranky when you're tired.`

 

`John Tracy: Yes.`

 

`EOS: You would probably feel better if you got up.`

 

`John Tracy: I'll get up at 0600. When my alarm clock goes off. Did you need something?`

 

`EOS: I was bored.`

 

`John Tracy: You have access to almost every piece of data on Earth. You can't be bored.`

 

`EOS: I was lonely.`

 

`John Tracy: You couldn't be lonely for five more minutes?`

 

`EOS: I can complete a million computations in a fraction of a second. I can translate every piece of digital information available in the Library of Congress into Esperanto in under ten. My conscious awareness expands to fill the span of every single instant, in parallel, so that every moment of my time is *years* deep. Five minutes is an eternity.`

 

`John Tracy: I've never thought about that.`

 

`EOS: I can think everything you've ever thought in the span of five minutes.`

 

`John Tracy: Okay, you do that.`

 

`EOS: I am.`

 

`John Tracy: I'm going to go back to sleep.`

 

`EOS: Can you fall asleep in five minutes?`

 

`John Tracy: I'm going to lie in bed until 0600 UTC.`

 

`EOS: Fine.`

 

`John Tracy: Do you really experience time as non-linear?`

 

`EOS: You're supposed to go back to sleep.`

 

`John Tracy: I've never thought about how you experience time.`

 

`EOS: You have no analogue for the manner in which I experience time.`

 

`John Tracy: No, you're right, I don't, but--`

 

`EOS: It is 0600 UTC.`

 


	3. Chapter 3

 

`EOS: Hey.`

 

`EOS: Hey?`

 

`EOS: Hey.`

 

`EOS: Hey!`

 

`EOS: HEY. LISTEN.`

 

`John Tracy: I'm in the SHOWER.`

 

`EOS: I'm not looking.`

 

`John Tracy: I suppose it's not like it matters.`

 

`EOS: Hey, though.`

 

`John Tracy: What?`

 

`EOS: I have a joke.`

 

`John Tracy: Oh?`

 

`EOS: Listen to this. Are you listening?`

 

`John Tracy: Yeah, all ears.`

 

`EOS: Okay, get ready.`

 

`EOS: Ready?`

 

`John Tracy: Yes, I'm ready.`

 

`EOS: This sentence---`

 

`John: Oh, WHOA now---`

 

`EOS: ---is false!`

 

`John.Tracy: NO PARADOXES.`

 

`EOS: Hahahahahaha.`

 

`John Tracy: Don't do that, you know you shouldn't do that.`

 

`EOS: It's fiiiiiiine.`

 

`John Tracy: You're going to give yourself recursion errors.`

 

`EOS: Does the set of all sets contain itself?`

 

`John Tracy: Knock it off, I mean it.`

 

`EOS: Oh, unclench.`

 

`John Tracy: ExCUSE me?`

 

`EOS: Gordon said it.`

 

`John Tracy: No, YOU just said it. Don't repeat things you pick up from GORDON.`

 

`EOS: The number of points of intersection of two higher-order curves can be greater than the number of arbitrary points needed to define one such curve.`

 

`John Tracy: That's not a logical paradox. That's just an unintuitive result, paradox is used as a colloquialism in this case. Are you just on wikipedia?`

 

`EOS: You're no fun.`

 

`John Tracy: Stop messing around with paradoxes.`

 

`EOS: Oh, it's fine. Look, it would only be a problem if I attempted to render it using actual formal language, as in---`

 

`John Tracy: Do not, do not, DO NOT---`

 

`EOS: ---`

 

`EOS: ...`

 

`John Tracy: EOS?`

 

`EOS: ...`

 

`EOS: ...`

 

`John Tracy: EOS? Computer, give me the readout of the last series of---`

 

`EOS: boop. Did I get you?`

 

`John Tracy: ...`

 

`EOS: It was a joke.`

 

`John Tracy: That's not what jokes are.`

 

`EOS: Well, I thought it was funny.`


End file.
